Ahh, the Resolution game...

So, I realize that I am only one of many who write about and decry the notion of New Year Resolutions, but I feel that because this is my own personal tale, that maybe to someone somewhere it may be relevant.

I have never been big on resolutions.  For one thing, I am horrible with lists.  I am the one that will spend 20 minutes writing a detailed grocery list and leave home with it still sitting on the kitchen counter.  Inevitably I will get everything but that one integral ingredient to the dish I intend to make that very night....ah the irony.  I will make a checklist at work and cross off a portion of maybe one item, and then leave for home because even with a list I feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the pile-up of duties...perpetuating a cycle of more endless checklists that are never fully finished. 

Part of it is just plain laziness.  I grew up pretty privileged and realize that a fair amount of that remains in me. Sometimes though, I hit my limit of tolerance and just cannot be in my office anymore...changing my environment can help and I'll perhaps get a little more done at the coffee shop or at home.  Part of it is also that I just can't pay attention anymore.  Call it ADD or whatever, but the fact remains that I am so easily distracted from my goal that even reading an online article is nearly impossible, what with all that colorful advertising and those listings along the sidebars. 

In any case...beside these personal hurdles lie all of the various philosophical arguments that say that we are just setting ourselves up for failure, that we set outrageous expectations for ourselves that we would otherwise never assume, that you can't make these huge shifts overnight...and on and on and on.  Luckily, I am a master rationalizer who can talk myself out of most guilt, so I rarely have to suffer too long at the hands of my own failures.  That aspect aside, I ask myself, and you, do we have to set the bar high in order to make change?  Can we start small in order to gather momentum?  Can we set generalized intentions that are really just a sum of many small adjustments to our everyday?  I think perhaps, the answer is "yes". 

For this year then, I am doing my own little experiment...a self-study of sorts.  I am setting my own Intentions for the year and intend to measure how the little changes alter my wellbeing, health, finances and outlook in an overall way.  It is in no way a scientific study.  It is not intended as a model for how things should be done.  But it is my way of reclaiming ownership of my life, of getting back in touch with my own reality, of re-immersing myself in my own story...without the fear of failure.

The Intentions:  So this year it came to settling on a couple specific Intentions that at their heart define a healthy, vibrant life.  A life that has a settled feeling but allows for the spontaneity that keeps life so interesting.  With those interests in mind I found the following to be a starting point for my 2009.

"I intend to live this year deliberately"  Yes, this is very general, but that is precisely the point.  Definitions.net defines "deliberately" as:

1. (adverb) intentionally, deliberately, designedly, on purpose, purposely, advisedly, by choice, by design
with intention; in an intentional manner
"he used that word intentionally"; "I did this by choice"

2. (adverb) measuredly, deliberately
in a deliberate unhurried manner

Now, while I usually laugh when the word is used in it's own definition, in this case it is almost appropriate.  Not only is this a very general intention, but it's so easy!!  I get to interpret it as loosely as I like each time a wake to a new day.  So in order to live this way and not feel like a fool, I should pay a little attention.  The above says, "on purpose,...advisedly,...by design..."  That is the way I actually intend to live this year...paying close attention to my decisions and their possible outcomes. 

I really am challenging myself to measure my actions and act mindfully in everything I do.  I can do this in my work, in my diet, in my yoga practice (having actually established my practice once again), in my finances and my relationships with people.  Within this mindfulness I am able to make very small adjustments and see long-term overwhelming results.  I can say overwhelming because when one is truly mindful, their actions extend beyond their own self and out into the world in exponential ways.  That's pretty impressive by anyone's standards, I hope.

"I intend to live this year with Devotion"  Ah, Devotion is such a loaded concept.  To many it invokes a sense of their childhood church-going and familial repressions.  To others it seems to threaten their atheistic or agnostic leanings (or clingings) and conjures images of ridiculous deification. 

For me, Devotion means "feelings of ardent love", and "commitment to a purpose".  So I choose to combine these definitions into "a commitment to the purpose of ardent love."  How could that be a bad thing?  How can that feel threatening?  Okay, so commitment can be scary to anyone not already versed in it...but since I do not fear failure, I guess I have a one-up there.

With this Intention I have the opportunity to devote my energy to whatever task is at hand.  I can begin each project knowing that I will complete it.  I can step onto my yoga mat and offer the energy of my practice to the practice itself.  I can eat my meals with reverence and love my family without judgment.  And with all of these things I can allow myself to bow out--to say no--because it may end up causing me more harm by taking part.  There are times that I must devote to my own spirit and not feel guilty about heading inside myself.


So there it is.  My wordy little nut-shell of Intention.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Namaste, R